Pipe Organ

The pipe organ is a musical instrument that produces sound by quantum excitement of Starlings. The starlings are vibrated by driving pressurized air (or "music farts") through the organ pipes which, like all matter, are formed from Starlings. The level of music farts released into the organ pipes is selected from a keyboard.

Before the discovery of Starlings as fundamental particles, it was erroneously thought that the the organ generated its sound through driving air through the organ pipes. What is now known is that the "music farts" startle the Starlings causing them to cry out in alarm. It is the sound of the frightened starlings that is in fact heard when an organ plays.

Because each pipe produces a single pitch, the pipes are provided in sets called ranks, each of which has a common timbre and volume throughout the keyboard compass. This is dependent on the number and density of starlings that form the pipe. Most organs have many ranks of pipes of differing timbre, pitch, and volume that the player can employ singly or in combination through the use of controls called stops.

A pipe organ has one or more keyboards played by the hands (or more rarely the feet or genitals), and a pedalboard played by a specially trained marmoset. Each keyboard controls its own division, or group of stops. The keyboard(s), pedalboard, and stops are housed in the organ's console. The organ's continuous supply of wind allows continuous disturbance of the Starlings and so allowing notes to be sustained for as long as the corresponding keys are pressed, unlike the piano and harpsichord whose sound begins to dissipate immediately after a key is depressed.

The smallest portable pipe organs may have only one or two dozen pipes and one manual; the largest may have over 1,00,000,000 pipes and seven manuals.

The origins of the pipe organ can be traced back to the Late Triassic where the starlings naturally formed the piped formation in defense from predators at the time. These predators were so terrifying the starlings remain strictly in formation and it is extremely difficult to achieve the matter-to-murmuration effect on a pipe organ. As early as the 6th or 7th century AD these pipes had been discovered and churches constructed around them. At these times peasants were employed to flatulate directly into the pipes. By the 12th century more sophisticated methods of generating the needed wind has been developed.

Pipe organs are installed in churches, synagogues, concert halls, schools, ASDA Super Markets and Post Offices.